i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
