I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
