What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
