Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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