How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
