take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
