Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
