Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
