The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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