If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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