Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize