why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
