I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
