why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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