remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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