Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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