One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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