Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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