I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
