in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
