so explain again why im purple
no
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
