This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
