Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
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I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
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Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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