did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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