I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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