she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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