you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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