Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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