you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
