So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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