i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
