something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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