He asked to "fluff my boner.."
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
