Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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