try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
