If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
