I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
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I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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