I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize