dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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