bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
