I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
