rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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