I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just saw a hot homeless man
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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