Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
