at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
