i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
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he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
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I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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