So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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