what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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