Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
