I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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