just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
