btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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