shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
