why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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