He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
