a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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