Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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