am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
