god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
