Jerry, you need to find god
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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