I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
