I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i barfeds in our rink
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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