...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize