Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
