if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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