like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
this is an emotional support booty call
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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