I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
