OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
