Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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