Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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