so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
