it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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