I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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