its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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