I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
