don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
