Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
