Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
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i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
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You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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