so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Congratulations! We have a period
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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