I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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