god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize