i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
