things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
